Quote:
Originally Posted by Hidden1111
It resonates with me. I find platatudes to be offensive. I had "sayings" reinforced as I grew up and some of these turned into harmful "core beliefs" and even those words are hard for me to identify with. When I first began to be around other people with my diagnosis I learned there were things I could do if I was getting lost in the past. I needed to focus on the now, for example. But I innately find the flaws in what are meant to be helpful tools for me. If I get back in the now, just as often as not I have returned to a time that is painful and triggering. That's how I ended up in the flashback. I want to say that I do see the irony of it all. My mind is a mine field and there are times I am ambling about blind to the hazards and other times I am at high alert, perceiving threats to our peace at every turn. Hahaha, I guess you could say I am not the most stable of them all!
However therapy specifically for this is still new to me. Yet my T has shown humanity, respect, and consideration outside of those 50 minutes.
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Well said! The metaphor of a mine field is one that I've used in therapy. I tend to lay 'traps' for my T, I suppose to test the strength of her care? We started calling it a mine field; but it's a mine field that I'm also caught in. The trap is that anything she says, I can use against her to prove whatever f-ed up thing I'm trying to prove. Usually that she doesn't care about me.
The 'high alert' is troubling, I think, for all of us. Hyper-vigilance in T-speak...I don't know if you all are different, but I question every.single.word. that's said to me. This little inner critic twists it all around and forces me to see the danger in all of it.
Here are a couple of fun exchanges:
T: "Yes, I truly care about you."
Me: "No you don't. You have to say that because I pay you to say it."
T: "I'm allowed to have feelings."
Me: "You're allowed to lie about your feelings."
T: "How are you today?"
Me: "I'm fine, thanks."
T: "I'm really glad to hear that."
Inner critic: "She thinks you're ok, so she's going to leave you now because her job is done."