I thought I could stay quiet till after the first of the new year but I couldn't. The sadness, solitude, and pain are getting worse. I can honestly feel a physical ache from the inside and it is spreading. I am tired of being strong, tired of being strong to strengthen others who need the help.

I want so badly for my time in this hell to be done, naturally. I'm tired of not having someone tangible, to to help me strengthen. Most of my time in hell has been solitary and it has been really draining. Now that it is getting cold, the pain from my waist to my toes is getting unbearable. I can't even enjoy reading a book. Between the savage nightmares and pain, sleep is next to impossible.

I can't afford to go to a counselor or medical doctor, and the VA doesn't do anything nor do they show that they give a damn. So I am on my own. I know of others in the same boat and it angers me to no end, because I don't like to see others go through what I do. What is all the strength and suffering for, when you have nothing? I honestly don't know.