So, I've had these "euphoria" feelings for a very long time, since I was in high school. My father passed away when I was 14 and my mother went off the deep end after that to a point that I still hold a lot of resentment that I can't seem to let go. Before him passing away, I never had these feelings. I was a very sky kid without many friends.

I became such a class-clown in high school. I guess I considered it my escape. I remember at those times thinking to myself that this is not me at all. Being at home, I was depressed.

Fast forward 10 years later. I've experienced two rounds of depression since high school. One was in college. I moved back home, went to a local college and was then fine. I went to therapy for the first time 6 months ago after getting out of a 5-year relationship. I was not happy in the relationship, and I know now that it was the root of of my 2nd depression round.

I know that when I am triggered into depression, it is because of a stressor in my life that I need to remove or change. I start feeling sorry for myself, think about my childhood, my father, etc. Then, the sadness becomes more so about my childhood and not the stressor itself. If all of that makes sense...

I'd say about a month ago, my depression subsided. However, I find myself experiencing that "euphoria" again. I spend way too much money on myself, and I am way too generous with my money. I also have been drinking a lot. I've been SO incredibly happy. I've been sticking to a diet and have been exercising. I've also met someone knew, which I think plays a huge part in all of these feelings. I know many people would tell me that I need to relax and just be happy. However, this happiness is almost "euphoric" because it is constant and, weird. Like something I can't control, but I'm obsessed with.

I learned a lot in therapy about changing the way I think and how important it is to think positively. But, I can't help but worry that this "euphoria" is going to crash soon. Like it always does after a bad round of depression...

I'm not this happy of a person, or am I? Maybe I'm just finding myself again.

I am not on or have ever taken any kind of medication.