Most of us have done this at some time or other in a relationship. It is to do with projecting ones own self dislikes onto another. In some way it is a protective mechanism whereby you sabotage the relationship before you can be hurt.

In any event, I found this book by 'Keeping the love you find' by Harville Hendrix, invaluable in helping me to identify my patterns and to understand the reasons why .

I would highly recommend it as a starting point for you. I was unable to have any sort of relationship at first, and while I still have my struggles, at least I can have a love now and recognise it for what it is ��