I've not had much abuse in my life. Thankfully.

However, when I was about 7ish-8ish I was sexually abused by my aunt's boyfriend. Who, at the time, was actually a wanted criminal. I spent the night at my aunt's house when it happened and I remember it so well because my cousin was there, had been experiencing sexual abuse for much longer than I had and got pissed off when he started sexually abusing me instead of her. I recall it clearly because I was lying in bed next to her, pretending to be asleep and she kept complaining loudly to herself that I was 'ruining her life'.

I didn't have an idea at the time what the world he was doing to me and I went along with it because my parents raised me to always "respect and listen to your elders", so when he said not to tell anyone and that I'd get in trouble if I did, I believed him. He didn't even have to threaten that to me, I wouldn't have told anyone anyway.

Years later, at 14 I met a man through a friend who was 24. He used to date my friend, (who was also 14) and later "left?!" her and started talking to me. At first I was scared because he was 24 ****ing years old... But he grew on me. Eventually, we started dating and the whole time he was never "abusive". He would tell me that he loved me and wanted to buy a house for me where we'd have beautiful children and a beautiful life. And I believed him. Anyway, after a few months of "dating", I invited him to my house where we'd just "hang out". But he had other plans and raped me. I hate calling it "rape" because I didn't really fight back and I didn't really say "no".

I had a recording of the whole event caught on my MP3 player, (it was accidentally recorded) and I could hear myself crying and saying, "stop" but it wasn't actual fighting back. It hurts to think about it now because I loved him very much. I still loved him even after he raped me... I still love him to this day.