Sometimes I think humans overanalyze ourselves and can work ourselves into a panic... I know I have done this countless times before! It sounds like you are dealing with some hard stuff, but just breathe and try the best you can to realize everything will be OK. To me, you sound completely normal, smart, and capable. I know I overworry and obsess about things, but it often just makes it worse. Hang in there! You are fine and will be OK!!!!