I think it sounds like you are processing the effects your upbringing has had on you and who you are now. It is painful for you, but I feel this can be an important part of progress.

As parents we are imperfect and will get things wrong sometimes, my own parents were not as severe as yours but there were aspects of my upbringing which I did not fully realise had impacted on how I was until I was in my 40s. This thread is not about me so I won't go into details but I will say I broadly speaking have processed that now and have a better relationship with my parents because of it, I can 'stand back' from their behaviours and have forgiven them in my mind for the mistakes they made with me. I feel at peace with this now.

I do dispute the failure label, and I wonder how much of this is your father's voice inside you. By whose standards are you judging yourself? Maybe it's time to reassess those standards as an independent adult.

You are an independent person, successfully supporting yourself in a country which is not your native one. I see so much strength in that sentence, will you allow yourself to see it too?