Writing a letter of "restorative justice" might help...restorative justice says....this is what you did; this is how it made me feel. I think it is empowering.

I had an abusive mother and vowed to break the cycle of abuse, and I did. I have 2 children and kept that vow. Life is all about choices.

You can stop the "heated arguments." They go nowhere, and abusers rarely apologize. You can decide what you want to do with your life. A book that was helpful to me, is "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud.