Hi. I'm new here too and I also have complex PTSD. Since this is just me and my experiences I hope what I share helps you feel the belonging I feel like we all long for.

It is very difficult for me to commit now. When I was young and had many more memory blocks I committed all the time, and acted like if I created my own family then it would prove I wasn't from "them" and every relationship failed. I've had 4 divorces and 3 or more broken long term relationships. So lots of failure.
But now, for over three years. I won't date or have anyone kind of ... romantical stuff. I'm just so scared. I also know that sometimes I am mean to partners sometimes and I don't want to be that person. I've finally reached a place where when men try to be close to me I get that"I don't like men thing.
I wish you lots of belonging here. I have no advice and don't think I should. We all grow and change at our own pace. Right? Gosh, this was a harder topic for me than I thought. Hope I made sense.
Hidden1111