Not being awkward, holding a casual conversation without saying stupid things, telling jokes, ... etc, i.e., being normal. I will give an example, I recently attended a professional gathering, and there was someone I contacted by email before (he was higher in rank). So, I approached him to talk to him, and just in 5 seconds, he became not interested, and began talking to someone else. So, I left without saying a word. It happened to me on a similar gathering 3 years ago, too. I felt so bad about myself that I didn't go the next day, and my view of myself (as a failure) and people (as hypocrites) was reinforced.

It's not that I want to be popular and people's person, but I feel I'm not living my life; it's just passing of time with no good experiences. Also, my professional life could've been much better if I could network with people, but I really don't care about getting better jobs now, because what's the point if I have no social life, and spend my time alone? However, I cannot even find a new job since I'm finishing the current one soon, and this is my biggest concern now, job-wise. It also has to do with not being social and not having a network of people.

I think people underestimate how being social is very important in life (because the majority are), and how people like me who lack social skills suffer a lot, and get very little in life, if any. Being social even at work is more important than being expert and experienced, even managers say this. However, since the majority are social, they don't seem to sympathize or even understand this. They will receive you ONLY if you change, and this is exactly where hypocrisy comes from for me; only if you have something to give, then you have a value, otherwise, you are nothing. This is the world we live in.