It's just recently that I've been feeling depressed the day after drinking but it's worth trying to stop to see if it helps. Thing is my only friends are my sisters in law who both drink heavily. They wouldn't shame me if I decided not to drink but it would be hard because if we hang out they'll be drinking. My brothers birthday is on Saturday but I'm not sure if we are going out or going to his house or if I'll even see him. But I'm definitely not going to drink Friday night. I just hope I stick to that.

I am safe, I'm not suicidal yet. And I want to self harm but it's just an urge, not serious. Worst thing I did was buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke one. But it is what it is.