Your wife's story is like mine, though my husband wasn't in the military. Still. A lot of similarities. I was good at faking cheer even when I couldn't eat or sleep from depression; but I was utterly wretched and alone.

Your wife has to try meds first. I finally took Elavil, one of the oldest, been-out-there-longest antidepressants available, and with my 2nd and third child I breastfed from day one, and took Elavil (amitryptiline) from day one as well. Had my breastmilk tested; results found trace amounts, and no sign of any amount at all in my babies' bloodstreams. (Kids are now grown and doing really well in life). I wish that I had not been encouraged to wean my first baby before taking antidepressants. It robbed me of the joy of breastfeeding my first; I weaned him at 4 months so I could get help from meds. Don't know what your wife's doctor is thinking; but she's being robbed of the joy of parenting her babies, and you're being robbed of all the attendant joys as well.

25 years later for me now--I have had TMS, transcranial magnetic stimulation, and it was a miraculous treatment for my now treatment-resistant depression. Now worn off, but only because of my dire situation.

Start with meds.