You're right, the problem is clearly your anxiety, but drugging yourself to your eyeballs is clearly not the solution.

Have you looked into acquiring coping mechanisms, beyond pill popping to address the anxiety?

My thinking is that, if you at least learn to cope with however your garden variety anxiety manifests, then you could save the Gaba for the show stoppers, and in the same breath earn your husband's trust back.

I myself know how terrible anxiety can get, and I understand the sweet relief of a benzo, so i am not coming from a place of judgment, but rather attempting to help you seek out alternatives. I hope that this is conveyed in my post...

In DBT they're always trying to get us to learn how to self sooth (distress tolerance, my favorite module) and the encouragement and sharing of coping strategies have worked for quite a few members.

I really wish you could get a handle on your anxiety, that way you'd only need what you're rxd.

Breathing exercises, music and mantras ("inhale the good shyt, exhale the bullshyt", is a work favorite of mine) help calm me, well thats if I catch it early enough, I'm so anxious all the time I sometimes dont realize just how anxious I actually am.

How messed up is life hey, you want to take more pills for your anxiety, and I didn't want the pills i can take as often as I need, BUT can't even take them for work, which actually causes an anxiety frenzy... Because I work at a rehab and benzos are forbidden.

Yeah I'm not losing out on a days pay for a benzo, I rather just put up with it and work through it as best I can.

Ok Sorry, I am just rambling now, but really wish you could figure this out, and I believe a balance between medicating and coping is key.

PS. I love you too Chris <3