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Old Dec 12, 2016, 08:30 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2014
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodchuck View Post
I just wanted to thank everyone who read my thread and gave me feedback. I've been rereading my past threads with a more critical eye, and I find that my attitude towards my job has been a bit off.

As much as I want to believe that it was the job that was the problem, it was me. I was the one with the excessive absenteeism. I was the one who "started" things by sending emails (regardless of my intent, my wording never came out quite as neutrally as I thought it did). I thought that I was important enough to merit consideration from management, when in reality, I was just a warm body filling a slot. And that is ok--that's basically what jobs want. They don't want employees who cause any turbulence, no matter the reason. I can be ok with that.

Currently unemployed but on the cusp of starting a per diem gig at what is probably the best job I will ever have (at least the most prestigious), I am trying to back myself down from how I view work and management. It is a privilege to have a job, and my employer has every right to expect attendance and compliance with their policies. I am certain I will encounter coworkers who are favorites, who slack, and who are not competent. My job, should I choose to accept it ( ) is to keep my head down, watch and learn, try to fit in, and above all, do my job to the best of my ability. It doesn't matter what people say about me, although if it's grossly untrue and reported to management I may try to speak to someone to clarify (and have documentation as well). Bullying is legal, and most things that bother me don't even rise to that level. There is no requirement for my coworkers to like me, but I would hope that they come to respect me.

The bottom line is that everyone is replaceable, and I need income. So it's with this in mind that I am trying to get ready for this new opportunity.

I don't know if it's my depression being less awful than normal, and I kind of question if I am having a hypomanic phase (not bipolar that I know of, but all I really know is depression), but somehow I feel at peace with 1) having quit the job that wasn't a good fit, and 2) finding another job willing to give me a chance.

We'll see how things go--I am hoping to give my life a reboot and figure out a way to not let things bother me so much. I haven't really felt this peaceful about the future in my entire life.
Wow, you have done some really great introspection. Good for you.

I would say, you don't have to completely keep your head down. I always feel like, keep your head down until you get the job down pat, and then you can start making suggestions or trying to contribute new ideas.

I think you will do really well at your new job. And don't be too hard on yourself. You've been trying to work while dealing with your mental health, and also, sometimes a bad job fit really overshadows everything.

Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...