this last year has been really hard time of things, with things getting slowly better but not as much as I would like for it too.

I have been trying to move past a lot of deep ****, like an abortion, rape ****** ex boyfriend.

and in a lot of ways which I am sure I don't give myself nearly enough credit for as I ought too. I have gotten past a lot of this crummyness and gotten to better places in my life.

but in some ways I struggle also I still have horrible issues with trusting others, and opening up to them even when I say I want close friendships.

I do want good friendships but my track record in the past pretty much says that I do a great job at picking horrible friends that just use and manipulate me.

I know it will take time and patience for me to trust people again, and I know it will be worth it in the long run but I hate feeling the ways that I do from all this right now.