Everything you say is so so sad in everyway! I am sorry things are so horrible and that no one is helping you in your time of need.
I know there are no easy answers--if there were, you would not be in the pitiful state you are currently in.
Do you live in a city. I do. Downtown here there is homeless shelter that provides 3 meals a day, showers etc. Is there something like that where you live?
Admittedly, I probably looking at things this way because I am not currently depressed but---sometimes how bad things are is quite relative. When I go and hang out with someone with a great pension (I am older), who reports having a happy home life, there house is completely organized, etc.--it can sometimes accentuate all the things I lack. But I know, there are many people who post about it right here at PC, that there are many in the world who have it as bad as you. In your frame of mind maybe you should read a bunch of posts in the depression forum. My hope is that if you see that there are many others out there who feel hopeless, it will make you feel less alone. Some of the friendships I have made here have made me feel less depressed. Keep reading and posting, it might delay your attempt--I don't recommend a car crash death--to big of a chance that you might live but end up with a disability. If you are currently physically healthy--that is ONE thing you can be grateful for. I hope I am helping you.....