After looking into the definitions of words, I had a moment where I was wondering if the problem itself isn't just about putting vastly different ideas under one header, but then I looked into my own mind-world and it is the same thing, the unifying energy, the one without which you are left like an unmanned ship at the mercy of ocean currents. A great deal of my life was spent being driven by avoidance, running away and escaping. That is better motivation than none, but once I actually got away from where I didn't want to be, things got a bit complicated. I know and feel there is a different energy, a move-towards type of thing. Incidentally, while the word aggression comes from lating aggredi that means attack, the expression originated as ad+gradi (towards+proceed,walk). So yeah, move towards.

But it is the same energy that can be used to hurt others, I certainly feel the potential there. I just can't figure it out. It scares me. I could never bear to watch war movies, I can't watch pretty much anything these days unless it's so over the top you can't take it seriously anymore. It scares me as a human thing that I know I have the potential for. There are really ugly things people have done - and are doing - to each other. Some time ago I was listening to a very interesting podcast about the WWII eastern front. Apart from some enlightening things about politics and world history there were some stories that stayed with me. And it's not just history, either. There are things likely happening right now... And I just keep asking myself what went wrong with the people (or if anything actually went wrong, perhaps we're all the same, except we can afford to pretend we're not like that). I fear losing myself like this, but you can only ever accept the full package... And I am actually scared of people, of mob mentality, I always keep to myself in a group, I don't want to be a part of a crowd, those are dangerous, they take away humanity...