I still blame my parents on my failures. I wish they didn't spend money on me, and instead instilled in me principles and skills to live by. I wish they respected and loved me, instead of giving me education and money. I wish they didn't bring me to this life. It would've been better not to exist than to exist this way and have all the suffer I endure every single day. You want to free parents and people from their influence. I will alone suffer, that's true. But this doesn't mean everyone else is innocent. I wasn't designed mentally for living in this world. Of course, I'm alone to be blamed from others because they don't live in my mind and didn't live my life, and know how I think and feel. For me now all I wish for is to find a way to rest from this life. No other way is possible for me.

To this day, my father doesn't respect my decisions, because he thinks if he leaves me decide alone, then I will go astray. But astray I went, nonetheless, and yes it was indirectly because of them, because if I were social and have a life, nothing would have happened. They will suffer because of me and live in pain, because I will never be the person they want me to be. Never. They are waiting me to come home for me to get married (in my culture parents think they finish their job when their kids get married, and it's considered their success), but I will never do that now. There is no hope for me to change now. It's too late to contemplate and think. End of my story, and my life stops here. Do you or anyone else care? I don't think so. People aren't good in nature. They are selfish. I alone will suffer because of my thinking, I know that, but then I wish to vanish and leave this life as soon as possible. So, why to change? I don't care anymore if I'm going to suffer more. This is my destiny.