Thank you so much jensitive. That's exactly what I'm feeling. That I'm just not good enough to do this job. That I don't have the right personality. Everyone I've ever talked to who has seen me teach says that I'm good but I have poor classroom management. I'm far too lenient. But I just don't have it in me to be hardcore nitpicky about every little behavior. I think it's fine to allow them two minutes at the end of class to talk. My co teacher doesn't think so. and I'm sure my eval didn't go well.

I just don't know how I'd live without teaching, at least financially. I'm not qualified to do anything else. I'm certainly in no shape to go back to school. And now that I'm a single mom I've got to find a way to make it work. I barely make enough as it is and I live with my mom and pay no rent. I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to afford living on my own again, which I really want to do. Without teaching I could be a teaching assistant but that would be making half as much. And retail I'd only be making a quarter as much.

And honestly when I'm stable it's fine. I don't get upset. But when I'm depressed i just can't deal with it. And it seems like I'm always ****ing depressed. Even though I just had eight months stable....the depression is back. Again. Why does it always come back.

Well I felt better after this morning though so maybe the upped emsam is working or will work soon. I hope so.