Nothing against those who choose egg donor but it's not for us. Yes, I realize having children is expensive but most people don't have upfront costs of over $30-50K just to try and get pregnant. Over time you can save for raising children etc but we don't have that kind of money to try for a possibility of maybe getting pregnant. Often times it doesn't work and egg donor is just not for us. The reality is that even though we might consider adoption and fostering it doesn't take away from the real grief and loss of not being able to have a child of our own between us. I'd be lying if I acted like this isn't truly heartbreaking because once you realize a door has been closed that can never be re-opened (my reproductive abilities) it's a real loss. Whether it's due to age or other reasons, I would think that most women who want children of their own only to find out that there is no way she can is going to hurt, some more than others. I am severely depressed by this and the holidays aren't helping. Seeing things like "baby's first Christmas" when I thought a year ago I would be celebrating a first Christmas with a baby of our own are like daggers to my heart.