Quote:
Originally Posted by leejosepho
I do not find or consider myself disgusting or anything like that, but neither is "liking myself" any part of how I think. I know I can be likeable, but whether someone else might like me or not is for him or her to decide. So, maybe the goal is to simply be aware of our likeable traits so we can at least be able to believe we are not the reason so many people seem to have no interest in us or ever notice us.
Just yesterday I was saying to my wife the same kind of thing you have said about memories. I have many pleasurable memories of people, places and things in days past, but none of those can actually trump the realities of today.
Does any of that prove we are total failures? Nah, just that we no longer burn quite as brightly or whatever.
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That is a really good point I hadn't considered. Thank you!
Mostly with the memories, my brain just goes immediately to the pain associated with them. Like, a good memory with a family member...that person died. A friend...that person stabbed me in the back. An experience...it's darkened by the longing for a time when I wasn't so depressed, a time when I felt joy and had hope. Trying to think of happy memories just hurts really badly. Can most people just disconnect memories from their greater context and put them in little bubbles of happiness? I always see the entire thing, horizon to horizon and the bad almost always outweighs the good.
I do realize now I was having an especially bad day when I posted this. I went swimming afterwards and did a bunch of things to try and distract myself out of being focused on misery. It helped to at least get me through the really bad spell. This dreary weather is partly to blame. Grey, grey, grey, cold, rainy. Plus a lot of financial problems.
I don't like the idea of not being bright ever again.
I understand though. I can only do what I can do.
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dx: ptsd, gad, mdd, panic attacks
rx: prozac, clonidine prn
Clawing my way out of depression.