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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
Thank you so much jensitive. That's exactly what I'm feeling. That I'm just not good enough to do this job. That I don't have the right personality. Everyone I've ever talked to who has seen me teach says that I'm good but I have poor classroom management. I'm far too lenient. But I just don't have it in me to be hardcore nitpicky about every little behavior. I think it's fine to allow them two minutes at the end of class to talk. My co teacher doesn't think so. and I'm sure my eval didn't go well.
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Sorry you're struggling so much. I know it's hard to stay positive when you're feeling so down.
When I'm depressed, I have a lot of days where I tell myself that I'm not good enough for anything. I start questioning whether or not I'm suited for my job. I also start questioning whether or not I'm good enough to even have friends. It's a horrible, vicious cycle.
Over time, I've grown to realize that we're too often hypercritical of ourselves when we're depressed. We focus too much on our flaws and weaknesses, and don't give ourselves the chance to flourish. All we see are the negatives and none of the positives -- but others can see both, which is actually a good thing.
It's hard, but I've learned to trust others when they say I'm "good" at something, even if I'm hesitant to believe it. I have to remind myself that depression has skewed my perception of myself.
But for what it's worth, for the most part, I don't think there's a "right" or "wrong" personality for teaching. What truly matters is passion, not so much personality -- personality is secondary. If you have the passion and drive to do what you want to do, then you
will flourish. It's virtually impossible to have a sh#tty (AKA "wrong") personality if you're passionate about your job. Truly passionate people care about how they carry themselves and don't have sh#tty personalities... because sh#tty personalities get them nowhere. And since you're clearly passionate about what you do, I can't imagine you having a "wrong"/sh#tty personality!
And don't worry too much about poor classroom management. You're new to the job and therefore new to the school (I presume). Every school district has their own standards, and I don't think they expect their teachers to get everything right the first time around. (If they do, then they're huge assholes.) You're learning. So I'm sure you can, with experience, start to figure out a happy medium between "very lenient" and "super nitpicky" that will satisfy the higher ups. I would assume it's not black and white, and that you may be able to get away with some leniency.