Tonight, I will be leading the dress rehearsal for my choir's Christmas program. Many things must happen tonight for the program to be a success. I've had some mania and lost some sleep over the last few weeks and it has really blown up in my face with my job as music director (church). I'm off Seroquel and on Saphris since last Wednesday.

I've never given a poor performance on the 6 years I've been doing it. It's always been a worshipful experience (which is the most important part) and a wizbang performance, but this one is a bugaboo. More ambitious than any program I've done. I'm working with guest musicians I've never worked with. The balance between the band and the choir was a disaster last week, frustrating the singers. But I just KNOW I can make this work.

What I need are prayers for me that I don't totally melt down if it doesn't go well. I need to feel that it will be ok if not everything goes as planned. I'm trying to be optimistic and not anxious.

I just learned that family is coming in from out of state and the composer has been invited to come hear it. That freaks me out.

Also, I will literally be raised up in front of every one. I will be on a platform and I will be, in part, the center of attention. It's success is just as a big a problem as it's failure. If it goes as well as possible, I will receive accolades for weeks. I don't handle that very well sometimes. Positive attention at this level can be a trigger for me. Prayers all around!