I'm sorry, I had similar experiences. In the past I was able to stay away from it for years, and then it came back...I felt like I failed, and I felt guilty. But by feeling like this, I wanted to cut myself even more. So it's important to break the cycle of cutting--> feeling guilty --> then doing it again for this feeling...what helps me is to use some coping strategies...for example, if I really want to cut, I try to wait 5 or 10 minutes, then another 5 or 10, and meanwhile I distract myself, mostly by doing pshysical activities (even cleaning my house), or drawing/coloring something. I find that after a while, if I wait, the urge will go away.