((Trace)),

What makes it hard is that what is affected is the amydala and "emotions" and when there is a strong "emotional" challenge which is often one of the core challenges with PTSD, sorting through these "overwhelming emotions" interferes with having the ability to function normally and stay on track with being "productive". That is also why "therapy" can be exhausting because it involves sorting through emotions which means feeling things one can get very overwhelmed feeling.

Ofcourse one can feel like a session never ends in feeling like the challenge is "wrapped up". I have experienced that myself. I have also lost count how many sessions I have had where I ended up totally EXHAUSTED too.

Just from reading what you have shared so far Trace, I can tell you have a lot of unresolved emotions. One can go for "years" avoiding their emotions and can develop personal ways to "deflect" that they don't really realize they are doing to deflect.

Actually, that is probably what your father did too, except he used alcohol to escape from "feeling". A lot of people do go that route.

Your father was not thinking about you, he was very self absorbed by the disease he had given in to. Human beings are emotional beings Trace, and lots of human beings get lost if they don't have someone to help them slowly learn how to understand and manage and work through emotional challenges. Men often have it the hardest because of how they are raised to "man up" and think that emotional challenges are a sign of weakness. That is your father's generation too and a lot of men did turn to alcohol as a way to escape and relax.

You did not have the skills to be able to help your father. And while you reconnected with him, he was more than likely not capable to show you the part of him that was "struggling" on a deep level. Truth is a lot of men just don't KNOW how to share that part because no one ever taught them. A lot of times men can only express "anger", they grow to believe that is one emotion that men can have.

When I was growing up my father's dog that he loved got hit by a car and we had to stay in the house while my father dug a hole and buried his dog. We looked out the window and saw him standing in the hole crying and my mother came over and pulled us away and said, "he is not to know you saw him crying, men never like to show that openly so you can't EVER tell him you saw him crying". That's what men are taught, do not show emotion it's not manly as men don't cry.

Part of combat PTSD is due to men who have lost friends, other men they have bonded with in a very, very deep way. Some of these men "break" and develop PTSD, and it's harder on men when they struggle with PTSD because they feel it's wrong to struggle so deeply with this emotional overwhelm.

But, human beings ARE emotional beings and a lot of our challenges are "what to do with these emotions".