Hey guys,

Thanks for the nice responses. Funny pic, Pinksoil!

Ah Sunrise, I'm reading total escapism. I'm reading the sci-fi novel "Dune" again. The funny part? It's because T said to me "Fear is the mind-killer" and I immediately recognized it as a "Dune" quote. He was delighted that I recognized the quote.

Pink, I do miss freaking about the clothes. I've had to dress up more lately (my new job requires "professional dress") so I'm generally dressed pretty nice when I get to therapy. Except I have a limited number of outfits that qualify as professional dress so have to wear some of the same things again.

Dang, I just realized I need to go to the dry-cleaner! Ugh ugh ugh.

I'm still pretty low. Found myself crying on the way home from work. I just feel hopeless about the future. The only things I wish are that I could go back into the past and do things again. I wish I could go back to college and start over, making nice practical career choices where I could feel like I had permanent prospects in the work world. I also wish I could go back to my last relationship and do things right. I miss my ex so much that sometimes I don't know how I'll get by. The only things I want are in the past. So I know I won't get them. I don't know how to feel good about life. I'm afraid I'll always be alone because I feel too low to try to be with anyone else.

I feel like a failure. All the time. It's awful.

I just go to work each day and come home. Now I'm about to go out to an aerobics class. I'll feel better while I'm working out. I'll feel low again afterward. At least the weekend is almost here.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I guess I do look forward to seeing my family over the holidays. But that won't last long enough.

So this is what my days are like now.

Thanks for listening. I really have missed you guys.

Sidony