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Do you have a strong sense of identity; do you (generally) know why you do the things you do?
If it helps to explain some aspects of your behaviour, being diagnosed with BPD could be desirable. I don't see a problem with that, necessarily. What strikes me as odd is that you want to be seen as manipulative.
Do you like to pretend? Do you ever feel like an impostor?
Do you ever feel shame? Do you ever do things out of desperation?
Please don't just say "yes" or "no" to any of these questions, but try to give examples.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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