Dear LostSoul,
Thank you for sharing your story. I can feel your pain. You said you started going on this road of depression at 12. You remember a very happy childhood. However, I think the majority of the components of your depression were there during your childhood and many events and circumstances that helped shaping your depression occurred during your childhood. Even your issues with identity may have deeper roots than your relationship with your husband or the fact of that you moved to the bigger city. I bet that paradise during childhood you remember was not a paradise. The issue is our mind has a lot of mechanisms to exercise repression and to modify memories. Perhaps the majority of the stuff you experience today is related to your parents, their own identities, the way they relate to each other, their reactions and mechanisms, etc. I am not a psychoanalyst but anyway I think you would benefit from Psychoanalysis and from going deeply into your early experiences.
I apologize if I am giving you too much information. I don't want to overwhelm you and I do not know you but anyway I feel I have to tell you this. I apologize if I am causing you more pain o discomfort.
Thank you again for sharing your story.
Sending you a hug