Im sorry you feel this way To answer your question yes i have felt this way… and im not proud to admit it I have managed to stop for over a month now, but the scars on my arm seem to haunt me now. Reminding me of what i had done. In your case i dont think its "wierd" to want deeper and bigger scars... Not with how much hurt your dealing with. You probably already know this but you shouldnt ~ you should treat yourself well, because you dont deserve any of this. I hope things will get better