You said: "To be honest I have no sense of identity which I believe stems from having never been on my own..."

That's actually something I just spoke to my therapist about. I have always had a sense of a lack of identity, because I learned to rely on others to survive and became what they wanted me to be in order to stay safe...

She actually challenged my long-standing belief and it kind of blew my mind, because honestly I felt like I didn't really exist, and didn't believe I could exist without someone else... she told me it was the identity I have that made it possible for me to get through my life. It was 'me' who chose to live that way, to take care of people who could take care of me, I posses a deep emotional intelligence to be able to sense what people want or need...that's my personality trait, and becoming the 'people pleaser' if you will, is how I learned to use that personality trait as a way to survive.

But she said that people pleasing is a behavior and not my identity... she said the identity is all the things that I know about myself that helped me get to where I am now. I wish I could give you that same awareness, because I can totally understand how you feel!!! If you can separate the learned survival behavior from the personality you always had (long before you moved in with your hubby, etc because that person never left, she tagged along for the ride) you might see what I mean.