Hello and welcome to psych central
It's not uncommon to be in denial about being bipolar. Who wants this? However it doesn't sound like what you are doing is working for you. Going on and off meds is messing with your head. I hate to say it but you might need to actually do what your doctor advises for more than just a couple of months at least. Getting stable and then thinking it's ok to go off meds is part of the denial process. Good luck to you and I hope you figure out what works for you.
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day!
"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
Seroquel 100
Celexa 20 mg
Xanax .5 mg prn
Modafanil 100 mg
