Long before I was diagnosed with BPD, I randomly stumbled across BPD on the internet and its list of 9 criteria. I skimmed over it and none of it jumped out at me as being me. Later my mom's ex brought up BPD again, because she thought my mom had it. Once again I skimmed through the criteria, and while I recognized the behavior in my mom, I didn't recognize it in me.

I later saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with BPD. I told her that I didn't really know what BPD was other than having heard of it/seen it online a few times. She explained to me how my actual behavior fit in with the criteria instead of reading a list of symptoms. That just further proved to me that a list of symptoms on their own is no good because what is important is how those symptoms show up in your actual life, which is different for each person, even with the same disorder.

For instance, I didn't even know I had a severe fear of abandonment until my psychiatrist pointed it out to me. I was constantly having panic attacks over my then-boyfriend dying or not coming back home, and had never connected the two to my traumatic past involving abandonment. So reading "fear of abandonment" on a BPD criteria list isn't going to do any good because technically the criteria for BPD can show up in many people. How, why, and with what intensity/frequency the symptoms show up is the important part.