Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
I agree, realistically.
But I also understand the fear. It's something that I have been dealing with myself, in a way, and I think it's more the general fear of something backfiring or being used against me when I talk about things that come from a "vengeful" place in real life.
That fear, I think, led me to "dissociate" from my feelings of vengefulness, which after my most recent experience with my last T (and the support and opportunity to "vent" here), I am now coming to "own" and maybe understand.
Realistically, I'm coming to think/feel that a feeling of retribution or vengefulness or "If you hurt me, I'll hurt you back" serves a purpose. For me, as maybe for others who find ourselves posting here, that feeling was disallowed, disapproved, made me like a "bad" person in the eyes of important people in my life whom I needed (parents, aunts, grandmother, etc.)
Yes, it's a "bad" feeling. It can lead us to "hurt" people. But. . .I'm also finding, in me, that the gut feeling of vengefulness is a necessary base for a more "developed" feeling of retribution-seeking or justice on my own behalf. You count, I count. I can't really get there by denying me.
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I found this post really helpful.
It took me two months to get to the place where I could report him to the police because I was hurt and angry and I didn't want to act from any feeling of revenge or vengefulness. That didn't seem right. But eventually, with a lot of input from professionals like Victim Support people, they explained that I was going to feel vengeful but that didn't mean I shouldn't report him. Everyone points out that if he is innocent, then he can say so. And I can say what he did to me. both of us just being honest here.
but he will probably be struck off or at least severely reprimanded and have to go into retirement earlier than planned and with his tail between his legs.
When I heard he was suspended from all work pending the investigation - I suddenly started to feel better. Up until that point, he was going about living his life as normal whilst I was in hell. That didn't seem right. I am fed up of men treating me badly and getting away with it.
And he thought he could. He wrote 'this is how it is'. Well, mate, this is NOT how it is. As you have found it. There are CONSEQUENCES!
I refuse to be a powerless victim yet again.