I need to make major changes in my life, yet I can't because ******* fear holds me back. So, I'm very quickly becoming a sealed pressure cooker of a person. If I don't find some outlets out of this pressure I don't know what's going to happen. Today I learned of a term, "catatonic excitement", where you bounce around between wanting to express your feelings with any old impulsive behavior, or just stare at walls unable to do anything because there is no outlet available for your legitimate needs and feelings and you just can't take it anymore. yeah that's right where I am. I want to just "take the brakes off" myself, and every time I don't, I start feeling far worse. FAR worse. Guess that means I can't tolerate the status quo anymore without a breakdown being imminent. Problem is, I have become a passive punching bag of a person. I CAN tolerate things one should not. I am becoming so passively resigned, almost masochistic and uncommunicative, it scares me. I'm just passively observing my life rot and starting to find it hard to care about it. I honestly fear shutting down inside and never coming out of it.