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elevatedsoul · Dec 16, 2016, 09:45 AM

i'll try... to talk

i try to do everything really hard, but i think it seems like its not enough all the time...
i just dont know what else im supposed to do..? i think im doing all i can... cant think of anything else to do...
but its not enough, what im doing...

Possible trigger:

i hate living around these things... have to be around negative stuff all the time... no one likes anyone... so much hate and hypocrisy... but theres nothing i can do to make it different....

i tried to leave, but i cant... i stayed gone for 1 day but i couldnt handle the stress there either... panic attack... break down... and now im back here trying to hide in my room...

i cant change anything like this.... i need to have the disability granted to me so that i can...
its the only way i can get away from the pain... the misery... the triggers...

i try to think about the nice things that will happen when i am approved... but i have been denied so many times i feel like they are just going to keep denying to help me...
but there is a nice program that i think i want to enter... but can only do it on disability....

i just feel hurt... i need help and they dont want to help me i feel like... i dunno why they dont want to..... im not a fraud trying to take advantage of a government program....
im desperate.... tired of living like this.... and i just want out.... only ways i can see things changing is get this disability... or just suicide... because i cant take it anymore....

no one gets it... and most time feels like no one cares... but why do other people that really are fake get so much when i cant even get so little... it makes me feel angry and ignored....
angry because its not fair.... because i try so hard... ignored because they dont want to deal with real trauma... real pain... real trouble...

it is real... and im so tired... real tired....

i need this disability... please give to me so that my life can change... continue... so i dont do something bad to make it stop... because there is no other way...