Possum ur killing me with the long txt box! (LOL ) I have a tiny phone..not ur fault

Went to yrs of DBT. Some of it helped and some of it actually made somethings worse... This was yrs ago. At the time I wasn't dxd as DID. Borderline w/ possible dissociative split was the running theory then. So although learned some great life skills...also remember after feeling disassembled but more idenity confused then ever and very vulnerable. From what I am able to understand in hind sight is that 3 outward parts were the regular attendees. Myself, my main protector, and an Ultra Rational part. Well since I was unaware of the individual existence and agenda of our rational part.
....and bc the focus of my former T was to decrease "negative implusive behaviors" and find balance between the rational and emotional mind...the end results where weird to say the least. And besides sui...the "perceived negative behaviors" were in fact the protector's only known way of doing things. So, she ended up feeling defeated, betrayed, and ousted. She is definitely changed..but, I don't think necessarily for the better...sad reading what she writes now. A sad shell of someone I love. ♡ And, it didn't actually stop all neg. behaviors from continuing...cuz an abuser part ended up stepping into our protector's role... more traumatic damage than the protector had ever caused...I think?... please don't take this as a full truth... it's just my part's thoughts and theories on what info I have gathered...and a bit if assumption too ��