Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugs-N-Hugs
As for manipulation . . . oh, so much of it. Even besides the masks I put on. I manipulate people into paying for things when I'm broke. Sometimes I'll start doing it without conscious thought, then realize afterwards that I just cozened and connived my way into--a movie. A dinner. A small present. But thankfully, I don't have expensive tastes. If I did, either I'd be disappointed or my equally impoverished-*** friends would be. I do feel uncomfortable about it, from a "what if I'm caught at it," sense. But that's about how I would look to others. I already know or assume the worst about myself, so very little I do surprises me. Very little I do makes me feel guilty. Shamed, yes. Guilty, no. I'll do it again, just a little smarter, so I don't get caught and thus have to feel shame.
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I'm not claiming to know you but this typically is not how manipulation in BPD works. When it
is present, not only are we often unaware of it (yours seems to be often pre-meditated) but it almost always is related to desiring emotional validation, reassurance, and confirmation from others (that they still care about us and won't leave us). For instance, we may threaten to harm ourselves (and sometimes do) if the person we love/are emotionally attached to decides to spend time with someone else for a while. We feel replaced and like that person no longer cares about us. I in particular struggled with this one and I was not aware that it was manipulative. I was in so much pain and I wanted them to see that. I just wanted confirmation that I was still loved and that I was not being abandoned. It was not for self gain, which many of your examples of manipulation seem to show.
If you ask me, this particular aspect of you immediately stuck out to me as antisocial personality disorder, combined with the fact you said you lack empathy for people, in your original post. Lack of empathy is not a BPD trait. I'm not a professional, and I'm not saying that because of these two traits you have ASPD, but it definitely doesn't scream BPD to me.