Thank you all. I'm still not sure if this is a breakdown or not. It really is hard to gauge if this is serious or me overreacting. I lack the skill set to appropriately discern these things.

I very much relate to stressed being a constant. I think I was doing okay for awhile there, but that was months ago maybe longer. My handle on time leaves things to be desired. I also relate to the repeat cycle... round and round we go. Looking back over the years, we have a major host shift now and then when the one ding life cannot do it anymore. With us, one goes away and another takes their place. Only one of us has been a repeat host type though. Usually they just go away and do not return.

I am not sure how to hang on and ride this thing out, whatever it is. I slept fifteen hours last night and have only been up for about two hours now and already want a nap. Right now I am calling today a good day because not only did I eat breakfast (spouse brought me a doughnut) but I got dressed as well. I also have not had any moments where I find myself sobbing hysterically and I have not thrown up today so there were multiple wins today. I'm torn because I want to call those things good things and focus on yes, they are good things. Then on the flip side I want to scream because a good day to me consists of not melting down and throwing up.

I need to stop that. It is good. This is okay. It will be okay.

Veda