Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadix
When someone complains about not being liked, not getting dates, etc., people respond with "the problem is your personality, quit blaming others". But then when someone tries to change their personality to be more desirable, people tell them "you can't try to be something your not, your personality doesn't change". So then what is a person supposed to do, just accept being treated like trash?
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No one should accept being treated like trash. I think saying the problem is your personality is a little bit of a generalization. I doubt the problem is your personality, the problem, rather, to me, is your discomfort with yourself. You sound like you don't like the kind of person you are.
It is possible to change aspects of your personality. Or, I guess, it's possible to be aware of shortcomings in your personality and learn how to cope with those shortcomings, although I wouldn't even call them shortcomings. You just need to be comfortable with who you are and not put yourself in situations where you would expect yourself to be different.
I'll give an example: I'm not a hugely sociable person. I do like to socialize but only in certain environments. I've learned this about myself so I don't put myself in those kind of environments that make me feel really uncomfortable and that are really no fun for me. So, I love going to a friend's house for a private party of friends, relaxing and chatting. In fact, I have learned that I like this environment enough that I actually threw my very first party last night, and we had a blast.
But I know too that I hate music festivals and rock concerts and big public events. I do have to go to these kind of events for work, and I can do it in a work capacity, but just for my own pleasure, it's not fun for me. So I avoid those situations, or if I am interested in an event but know it's a venue that I will be uncomfortable in, I just plan to go for a few minutes, scope out specific vendors, then get out of there.
I have friends who can go to bars by themselves and have a great time. I can't do that. But I don't find myself at fault for that; it's just not my personality.
Maybe you are putting yourself into social situations that just aren't fun for you and trying to make yourself into a kind of person that you're not. You have to learn to socialize with your friends on your terms and be comfortable saying, I can only stay for a few minutes, or even saying, hey that's not my scene, but see you later.
I really just feel you need to understand and accept yourself more.
Seesaw