You said that you are feeling out of control. Self harm can be a way to have some control, and to evade from stresses, at least for a bit. I understand your urge, recently I'm having it, even if there is nothing going on in my life, sometimes I want to harm myself deeper. I don't want to cut myself, and to hurt me, I know I don't deserve this, so instead I try to wait and use coping skills, usually I walk (you can do any pshysical activities), or I write things, or dance and listen to music to release energy. After a while the urge wil go away.