*hugs* I met with my therapist last night and we discussed a similar issue that I have. On one hand I like being alone, but on the other hand I also like being around people. My big issue is that I am the shy and quiet type to begin with and have also become very selective who I let in to my little bubble of what I call friends. A good portion of my childhood was spent being bullied by other kids and it caused me alot of heartache, I don't want that again if I can help it, therefore I keep my distance. My therapist is afraid that I will slip back into a deep dark hole and end up back in the hospital again. I am sorry you are dealing with the emotional pain as well.