I don't know what happened to us when we were little to make us so fragmented. But I get these awful indescribable feelings every once in a while. And random flashes of incoherent images wi th that feeling sometimes too. I don't know what happened but those feelings are indescribably intense..so never doubted tha whatt where and when ever it was that they ripple out from..100% certain that it is connected to a very true very very traumatic awful very early memory. but the fact that it's so well buried i guess is a testament to how well our systems really do in fact work! Despite all the bull that comes with it!
Other later compounding traumas I know about..or at least some... but still there is a strong barrier of protection there! Because while I did on the front lines personally live thru some of our traumas, I have almost always found that I have no true emotional memories or wounds. They are just factual accounts...like any other boring event. I know they are true memories because I can remember every tiny detail down to the pile of the carpet or what have you... but I do always feel a tinge of sadness and guilt because I understand why I hold no emotions to these events...because somewhere inside there is other part (s) that absorbed the worst of it for me, hidden deep living with that pain alone!! ... and that's what makes me cry... because there are parts that were willing to jump in front of a bullet for us! (figuratively ) sorry if that is triggering to anyone :/ .....whatever this craziness that we have is...it is selfless.....