((((LUCE)))) Thank you so much for talking us down last night! means so much to us! We are not dealing well with the aftermath of something that suddenly and drastically changed our life..possibly irreversible.. I hope it isn't permanent... it all happened on fast and the triggers were like lightning...that I honestly have no clue how it got so out of control and who actually reacted and made the judgement call. I remember somethings but it was in and out fuzzy and then just fear and shock..and I trust that the right thing was done at the time...but I didnt and still don't want any of it!!! I never thought that I (mepart) was ever going to have to feel all of this horrible deep sadness....I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am a protector/ ANP. My counterpart and charge..we just started to figure out how to function co-consciously again after a very long backslide into full amnesia. And I now I don't even know where to start to help her! I've look at myself now and I see all the weakness that I used to see in her and promised myself I would never let you that be my fate!! I'm so heartbroken and still just in shock...and she is so far worse off than me.. she is just beyond broken in ways that I will not share with anyone. So I just sat with her and cried and made sure she was safe. Me n her we are generally who deals with home family work daily stuff. I guess everything hit so fast and hard..that even though I have been out front almost everyday for whatever I can handle..I guess i never thought who was out in my absence??!!... it should have been M.H. I guess i just assumed. I didn't know until it was far to out of hand last night that 14 was out and alone like that!!!.. it's my fault really...I am the front line. It's my job to watch the gate unless H.J. is prime. Then I stand back unless she clearly needs me... but 14... that's awful on so many levels! She does have her own guardian, but 14 is a strange part. I can explain really but I have always felt like she was my responsibility... because I might fairly sure it's my fault that she even exists at all. I wanted to push her out of the way so bad last night but I think I maybe couldn't reach her or someone or something was pushing me back its,all been so foggy. Then HJ started screaming so I had to go to her... I'm so sorry 14. Nobody ment to leave you all alone in the dark like that!! There are two others who should be very ashamed of themselves!! But I know it's not for me to judge and one I only know of. I have no consciousness w/ Dr. B only know basic info. MH on the other hand...She's a,slippery one comes,and goes...no one I guess everything finds her..she finds you...but I do have a small amount of co-consciousness with her..when she shows face that is... sorry I ranted. tl;dr....so sorry everyone. Today is crap.