(((((((WiseWoman)))))))

This would hurt so much. No wonder you are lost and confused.

Do you think maybe her husband is just feeling a little possessive of her right now, and not wanting to share her with you? You know what I mean by that?

You know about my dear friend Jon that died. Well an old friend who I parted with on fairly ugly terms, but who stayed friends with Jon, she came to bring me copies of some pictures of him recently. And I felt myself being very possessive about him. It wasn't because of hard feelings between me and this old friend. I'm over those hard feelings, it's been years. It was just because I somehow felt like my position in Jon's heart was threatened by her. I don't know why or where that is coming from. I still need to explore it, and I plan to when I talk to my therapist. But it seems to be a part of my grief reaction. She is the only person I have talked to that also was close to Jon, so in a way it's been very good for me. But also it was hard for some reason. She's been able to go see his family and she even looked that the police report from the accident. She brought me pictures of the memorials set up for him (of his things, and pictures of him) from the funeral services. She brought me a program from the funeral (I was there, but I didn't get a program). It could have been a bonding experience, for us to share our hurt over Jon. And it was for a while, but I did find myself bothered. Like some of him, I didn't want to share with anyone at all. I think that's why I've had trouble posting anything about HIM. I've had trouble talking about HIM. I have only been able to say, over and over again, how much I hurt.

Anyway, I tell you all this because I wonder if those kinds of feelings are playing a role in the problems with Jane's husband maybe? He may just not be ready to process his grief with other people. He may need some private time with his grief, like I have needed. I think that for me, this will lessen in time. But I will need time to be possessive of Jon and have my private grief. Maybe it is the same for Jane's husband. Maybe he's just not ready to share "his Jane" with you, like you seem to be ready to share "your Jane."

Am I making any sense?

Angela