At least you're able to share this with your PC friends. It is hard to cry with others when they are not feeling or haven't felt in the past similiar sadness/grief. Perhaps you don't want to worry others or have good reason to believe they will not understand--both very legitimate rationale for your actions. In regards to my relationships, I am a naturally open person but have learned from the actions of others, that there are some who don't understand my choices/feelings about certain things. I'm not going to share my inner thoughts with people like this. To be vulnerable about some of my choices/feelings is a no win situation. All you get from some is judgement, no empathy, etc. So maybe you are living in a situation where hiding your feelings is a reasonable thing to do....