Do you know what it
feels like to be alone,
truly alone, when you
are in a room full of
people, yet nobody is
really there.

If you sit alone in your home,
can you hear your heart beat,
or can you hear the pain,
screaming from inside, to
stop and don't let it out,
because if you do, it will
never be the same!

When you are afraid,
do you say to yourself,
there isn't anything there,
or do you feel the power,
of the memories, and know
that it is not a nightmare,
but part of you that remembers,
how small you were, and
how much their actions,
hurt you even still today.

Have you ever felt, that
you love someone, even though
you know they don't love you
back.But letting them
go scares you more then
holding them here.

Have you ever loved someone,
and they hurt you over and over,
yet you still do nothing, because
the fear of telling them to
go would mean hurting
them too. You would have
to be someone, feel like you
are worth it, to not be used,
and abused because you aren't
worth it.

Has anyone ever asked,
why you feel like you feel,
and if they do, can you tell
them why, or do you just
shrug your shoulders, and
say it is because of me that
I feel this way.

Have you ever ran, ran
for ever, but not get
there anyway. Have you
ever had to run, just to get
away from your pain.

If you ever stopped running,
what do you think would
happen anyway, would you
just stop and catch your
breath, or would you stop
and feel the pain.

When you run all your life,
and don't stop because you
are afraid, when life changes
and you have to stop, do
you go looking for ways
to make you run again,
or do you try and feel the pain,
knowing that it is you that
you have been running from
all along, so you don't
see the hurt child, and feel
her pain.

Do you really know who,
you are, or are you just
feeling now what once was
the monster you always
thought you were.

It has to be me, it cannot
be them, how could one person,
do so much to deserve all,
that they did.

When the day finally comes,
and you stop running,
and you stand and say
no more, what will happen
to you?

You feel broken, and scared,
and that nobody cares, you
never had the love that,
any child deserves, so
you go through the emotions,
that should never have been,
and maybe just maybe,
they won't win.

But getting there, feels like
the impossible task,
the feelings are strong,
to give up at last, finish
what they started, it is
why you are here, you were
brought into this world, to
feel broken and bashed.

I am just hoping,
that maybe they were wrong,
that I was put here on earth,
to do someone some good,
but right now it feels, like
I have nothing to go on for,
sometimes the feelings,
feel like the same monsters,
that put me here in the
beginning.

One day someday, maybe I will see,
that the part of me that runs,
is the part that cannot see.
that the child inside, never
asked for this life, that the
child inside was once innocent
from pain.That the child inside,
had to grow up to fast, that
she prayed then for God,
to take her, and free her
from the pain.

He said I can do this,
I am stronger then that,
that the feelings will leave,
and I will feel good at last,
so I hang onto the words,
hoping they are true, that
my feelings of pain, and fear,
and guilt will disappear for good,
someday. Stand up for myself, is what
he thinks I should do, but doing that
is something I have never had to do,
standing up means pain, and fear and
hurt. Do what your told, never ask
or question, each word back then,
knocked me down deeper. So I will,
believe him today, that I will survive,
this hell, something has to give, just
hope it is the pain and not me!

She said they are my
others these feelings I have,
that she can fix them, so
they don't hold me like now,
the suicide other is strong,
and being heard, but God this
time please let me stay!

Val