Thank you for your responses everyone! Maybe my therapist isn't completely wrong after all We'll see.

My most recent severe depressive episode wasn't situational; i actually attempted suicide realizing i'll never fit my standards of an acceptable human being. It's a bit ironic cuz a couple years directly before that, i was actually trying to improve: telling myself i love myself, was on medication for a few months but felt like i didn't deserve it enough so i stopped, had a different therapist who said i should respect myself more, tried to keep my hopes up. Obviously didn't work.

It's been some years since then, and i think my mood is better; i can actually enjoy things. I'm also been passively suicidal, like i was when i was younger, instead of acutely. But my relationship with myself has not gotten better; in fact i think i keep on furthering the thought processes i mentioned in my original post.

I'll just keep talking with my therapist, working on my depression, and i'll pinpoint my exact issues eventually.