yes, of course it makes sense. It is entirely real that his grief is private, with his family. His reaction to my magical thinking however was just hurtful. He should have deleted it and forgotten about it, or maybe sent me an email explaining that was his address too. When my daughter died I relished anything people had to share with me about her. I wanted and still want to hear every word I can. Jane's spouse does not hold the market on grief. It is horrible that he found his dear wife dead. It is also horrible that I have lost such a special part of my life considering how void my life was of any kind of love. My husband understands and I am grateful for that. I mean he understands my loss, certainly not all that was our relationship or my grief over a hurtful, hateful family of origin. I question my own reality because I let Jane in and now I get poop from her husband and I am alone. I was not alone then so maybe I need to keep remembering the love that was undeniable. In the end, I do not have this special woman. I have many siblings with whom I only can have very limited relationships, and I have only known that unconditional love through Jane. Yes I am blessed but I can't make sense of where to go now, what it means about my life. I did want her to know my kids so they could have her and so she could have them. They are pretty cool people. My family has my husband's parents who are aged and from a different culture then mine, or our current family. I love my MIL dearly but I can't imagine crawling into bed with her and snuggling unless she were on her death bed and couldn't protest. She knows of my grief over Jane. She was sorry for me but in the end spoke about how all of their friends and relatives are dying. If you live long enough that becomes a primary theme, losing everyone you love. But I am too young for this loss. My MIL step mom died only about 9 years ago. I have no one with whom to share this loss. And eventhough I was kind and caring in my response to him, I am hurt. Angela, I understand some people need their private time with grief. We are all different. This is as serious as it gets. I want to sleep and dream the dreams of remembering her love.