I agree with you that her husband doesn't hold the corner of the market on grief. And even if he does need to grieve in private, it doesn't entitle him to treat you cruelly. What he did was DEFINITELY wrong, no doubt. I was just hoping that in pointing out my experience to you, you could see that his response was not necessarily about you personally- it was about him. In other words, it doesn't reflect on you, your worth, your entitlement to Jane, or your relationship with her. It's just the way that he's dealing with it. And he should not have been rude about it. That was his fault.

I wonder if you can work on separating Jane from her husband. What I mean by that is, realize that his reactions and his ideas/feelings about this are NOT representative of Jane. He only speaks for himself, not for Jane. So his cruel response doesn't influence your tie with Jane one bit. It's only coming from him, an outsider to your relationship.

Jane loved you, and she loves you still. And she probably would not approve of her husband being rude to you.

(((((((WiseWoman))))))))