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Originally Posted by velcro003
I think maybe you sort of put yourself out there to be upset about these sort of things w T (not on purpose). If you know she doesn't answer (or doesn't like to answer) questions about her family, you know by asking that you probably won't feel satisfied. I can be way off base here, so please let me know if I am.
I agree that it sucks that you can't know everything your heart desires about your T, but maybe if you journaled about those curiosities, or maybe go to session with the question of why do I feel the need? And what can I do to lessen it?
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My T usually DOES answer my questions about her kids but she never wanted to talk about her ex-husband. Now she briefly says negative things about him. She's said her bf is much nicer. I haven't felt the need to ask her questions for a long time. I think it's because I felt very close to her last session, like friends, so I spontaneously asked to see his picture. Why I feel the need for her to share with me is worth discussing in my session. I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
What does that young part respond when you ask her why it 'isn't fair'?
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She says: " Because T and I talk about so much intimate stuff, and we seem like friends or family, even though I'm her job, so why can't she just show me a picture? Why does she have to have these kinds of boundaries? " That may be adult talking! Child says it's not fair because I WANT TO KNOW!!! I don't know why I want to know more. I just do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giucy
For me, knowing about my T, especially his vulnerability, is a therapeutic way to remind me "careful, even authorities are not perfect ! Authorities are actually human beings with their own imperfections. Being a leader is actually acknowledging imperfection as a form of normalcy".
I cannot stand a therapist, or an authority, which boundary is never ever self-disclosing.
It means putting a mask of perfection. Therefore, the example is increasing my perfectionist tendencies, so wanting to be as perfect as therapist.
The problem is that such standard is impossible to reach. The therapeutic setting is actually set-up for failure right off the bat because it means a power struggle, winning a contest at all cost.
Therapy doesn't have to be a Pyrrhic victory !!
In my case, I don't feel jealous about T's family. I don't feel rejected. And age difference is too great for T and I competing in the same ground : he is more a grandfather figure with wisdom. My T thought that it was a matter of "I'm not that old", I answered that actually, it's a very positive transference of wisdom's transmission rather than age.
OTOH, I have my own path of happiness. It doesn't mean following "partner, house, children, dog, car". Mine is very different, and that's ok: "it's a variable of normalcy" to quote T.
Had my T been a young T, the feeling of being in a contest for perfection would had been hitting too strongly for my own good.
The contest would had been counter-therapeutic. The feeling of being in a contest for winning would had been too hard to overcome for both parties.
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Thank you for your comments. I agree about perfection. It sure took my T off her pedastal when she got divorced!